The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize