My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
