I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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