just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
