If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
