in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
