babies were throwing up all over the place
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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