hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
