I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize