WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
