Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
