My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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