Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
