this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
