woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
