Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize