I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
