There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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