Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They have beer where we have blood.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize