But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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