On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
