he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
