so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My feet surprised me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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