no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize