Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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