sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
