that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need water and some morals
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
