My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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