There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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