Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
