Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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