pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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