just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everyone says I win the strip club
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
