if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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