so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
