I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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