Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
