I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need to align my fucking chakras
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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