I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
