it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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