If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Damn victory sex feels great
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
