is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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