How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
