Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
