Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
