So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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