Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The best revenge is premature balding
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize