I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
