how can u be prego again
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
organizing the empties. That sober.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
