I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
