Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
