Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
