One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
