I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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