You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize