sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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