clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
