Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
