sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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