This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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