you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
