What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
