is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and she was petting her beer can
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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