you traded sex for a burrito?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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