yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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