Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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