The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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