yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
