I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
