I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
