arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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