a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
