there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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