apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
