The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I miss vodka workout Fridays
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
