Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
