also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
