The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
