gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
