so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
