Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
