he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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