You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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