i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we're making bets on your personal life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
