I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
