oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
