Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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