Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
