just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
