he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
