I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
