I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You are the jesus of drinking
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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