I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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